I’ve noticed a lot of people are wondering about dilators. What are they, how do you buy them, and how the heck do you use them? This article will explain all of that. This is your crash course on everything dilators!

What Are Dilators?

Dilators are plastic, silicone, or glass objects that simulate a tampon or a penis, that gradually increase in size. They’re used as exposure therapy to get your vagina used to something being inside it. You’d usually start treatment with the help of a medical professional (usually a physical therapist, pelvic floor specialist, or gynecologist, but not required) and then be asked to continue at home – either alone or with your partner’s help.

They usually come in 4-6 sizes ranging from smaller than a tampon to the size of an average penis and come in a variety of price ranges to suit your budget.

Where Do You Buy Them?

Dilators can be bought online in a variety of places, including Amazon.com. There are a surprising amount of dilators out there, but these are the recommended ones as I’ve done research on all of them and they seem to be solid products.

Femmax Vaginal Dilator Set With DVD for $29.95 USD

This is the cheapest set out of the bunch, but it only comes in 4 different sizes, which can be uncomfortable when progressing to larger sizes. It does, however, come with an instructional DVD, which is helpful for those who are treating their Vaginismus without the help of a doctor.

Vaginismus.com Vaginal Trainer Set for $44.95 USD

This is a great, cost-effective medical grade plastic vaginal dilator set. It has 6 sizes, starting with one smaller than a tampon. I personally use these along with the Milli.

Vaginismus.com Vaginismus Treatment Kit for $90.95 USD

This kit includes the Home Treatment Program (2 Book Set), Vaginal Trainer Set, Vaginismus Instructional DVD, and Vaginismus Private Forum Pass. Great resource for those who are treating their vaginismus without the help of a doctor.

Soul Source Silicone Vaginal Dilators – Full Set for $209.99 USD

While considerably more expensive than the Vaginismus.com set, it is higher quality (made of silicone) and comes in 8 sizes as opposed to 4 or 6. Good investment set.

Milli Vaginal Dilator for $249.99 USD

Milli is the first expanding vaginal dilator. Expanding in millimeter increments, the dilation experience is gradual and gentle. While pricy, it is supposed to be the most gentle dilator on the market. If you are especially sensitive to the increasing sizes of dilators or want to go super slowly for maximum comfort, this might be the dilator for you.

What About Lubricant?

There are even more lubricants out there than dilator sets! However, they’re not all created equal. Grabbing the first one you see on the shelf in the store can result in infections, torn condoms, and stained sheets. Therefore, it’s recommended that you use water-based lubricants. Not only are they very gentle, they work well with plastic and silicone dilators. Here are some of the best water-based lubricants.

Aloe Cadabra Natural Personal Lube for $10.95 USD

Because it’s pH balanced, has totally natural ingredients, and is free of dyes, fragrances, petroleum, and parabens, this organic personal lubricant is a great option for sensitive skin. It moisturizes and lubricates with aloe vera and Vitamin E. A win on all fronts!

Isabel Fey Water-Based Lubricant for $11.00 USD

This is a cheap, yet quality lubricant you can find on Amazon. It’s free of glycerin and parabens, if that’s something you’re concerned about. It’s made from high-quality ingredients that won’t stain or get sticky, and it comes in a discreet bottle that’s easy to use. I personally use this one because other lubricants caused burning and irritation. This one seems to do the trick!

Yes Yes Yes Double Glide Lubricant for $23.99 USD

While it claims to cure vaginismus, this is necessarily the case because science says only dilators and pelvic floor therapy can cure it. It is, however, an excellent lubricant that can help penetration become easier. IMPORTANT NOTE: It is NOT condom compatible!

Foria Wellness Awaken Lubricant for $48.00 USD

Experience the world’s first intimate massage oil made with broad-spectrum CBD, kava kava extract, and synergistic botanical & aromatic oils. This multi-aphrodisiac blend is formulated for women, to enhance tactile sensation & pleasure while decreasing tension, discomfort and dryness.

How Do You Use Them?

First, find a time and a quiet place where you can be alone. Try to pick a space where you feel relaxed. Your bedroom is usually a comfortable place for dilator therapy. Relax your pelvic floor muscles and take some deep breaths before you begin. It can help to listen to relaxing music. (I personally have my go-to dilating playlist set to Enya.)

Start by getting into a comfortable position:

1. Lie down on your back with your feet flat on the bed or couch, and your knees slightly bent.
2. Spread your legs, so they’re shoulder-width apart. If you find this to be a problem, you can place pillows under your knees for support.
3. Make sure you can easily touch the opening of your vagina with your hand. Use a hand mirror to see your vaginal opening if you need to.
4. Find your pelvic floor muscles (muscles that support your reproductive organs) and do Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises may help you insert the dilator easier. If you aren’t sure how to do them, read the resource Pelvic Floor Muscle (Kegel) Exercises for Women to Improve Sexual Health.

Inserting a vaginal dilator is simple. It shouldn’t cause any pain if you do it slowly and gently. This process should take about 10-15 minutes.

Start with the smallest size dilator in your kit. Apply a lubricant to the dilator and the opening of your vagina. Use a water-based lubricant. This will help the dilator slide more easily into your vagina. Don’t use petroleum jelly (Vaseline^®), because it can cause irritation. Avoid using oil and silicone-based lubricants.

To insert the dilator into your vagina, follow these steps:

1. Using gentle pressure, slowly insert the round end of the dilator into your vagina. Always insert it in the direction of your spine (back) straight or at a slightly downward angle, like you would insert a tampon.
2. Continue to insert the dilator slowly until you feel slight discomfort or muscle tension, then stop. The dilator should feel snug but not painful. Never use force and stop if you feel pain. If you don’t feel any pressure when you insert it, you might need to use a larger sized dilator.
3. Do a set of Kegel exercises, as instructed in the resource Pelvic Floor Muscle (Kegel) Exercises for Women to Improve Sexual Health. These exercises will help you relax your pelvic floor muscles and insert the dilator a little further.
   • If it’s still difficult to insert the dilator after doing Kegel exercises, try taking some deep breaths. Then, refocus on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and try to insert the dilator a little further.
   • Don’t worry if you can’t insert the dilator completely. Over time, you may be able to get the dilator in a little further. If you’re still not able to insert the dilator, talk to your healthcare provider.
   • Don’t worry if you feel that you have to pee. This is normal. You may want to pee beforehand just in case.
4. Once the dilator is in place, follow steps 5 and 6 for 5 to 10 minutes. You may add more lubricant if you need it during this process.
5. Gently push the dilator in and out to stretch the length of your vagina.
6. Gently rotate the dilator in wide circles to stretch the width of your vagina. Repeat this at the back, middle, and opening of your vagina.
   • Some women find it helpful to work with more than one size dilator. For example, some women may use a larger dilator at the opening of their vagina, and a smaller dilator deeper inside the vagina, until they’re able to use the next size dilator fully.
7. When you’re finished with steps 1 to 6, remove the dilator.
8. Wash your dilator with hot, soapy water. Then dry it with a clean towel or paper towel. Store it as instructed in your kit.

How Do You Increase the Size?

The goal of vaginal dilator therapy is to increase the size of your dilators slowly. When you can insert one size of a dilator completely into your vagina without any discomfort, then you should start using the next size up. The goal is to insert the largest size dilator without any discomfort, if possible. Increasing the size over time will help you have more comfortable pelvic exams, penetrative sex, or both.

How Many Times A Week Should I Use Them?

You should practice dilator therapy 3-4 times per week, but don’t do it 2 or more days in a row. Doing dilator therapy many days in a row may cause pain or irritation. When you aren’t using your vaginal dilator, you should try to do Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises shouldn’t be painful. You can refer to the resource Pelvic Floor Muscle (Kegel) Exercises for Women to Improve Sexual Health for tips on Kegel exercises.

If you forget to do your dilator therapy or don’t have time to do it, don’t give up. Try to start again as soon as possible. Coming up with a plan or routine for yourself can help you be successful.

After Using Your Vaginal Dilator

You may have a small amount of vaginal bleeding while using the dilator or after you’re finished using it. This is normal. You may want to wear a panty liner after dilator therapy. If you have a lot of bleeding, such as bleeding that soaks up a sanitary napkin (pad), or if bleeding continues for longer than 1 day, call your healthcare provider.

If you get urinary tract infections (UTIs) often, you may want to urinate (pee) after using your dilator.

If you have any questions or problems, talk with your healthcare provider at your next appointment.

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That’s it! All you wanted to know about dilators! Hopefully this is helpful and can get you started on using dilators. Good luck!